"Any Questions?"
Words by Tom Lehrer

copyright (c) 1951
Tune: Canon, “O du eselhafter Martin”, by Mozart

This recording is posted here with permission from Tom Lehrer, Prof. Norman Ramsey (who made the recording), and all the cast members who are still living. You are encouraged to download it for your own use, and to notify others of the URL (web address) for this page, or the more general URL of this site.

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Vocals and piano by Tom Lehrer. Technical notes on the recording.

Professor (played by Lewis M. Branscomb):
Now then, are there any questions,
Any problems, any questions?
If there are none, then I am done,
And I can bid you all good day.
For there's no reason I should stay here,
Since I've said all I have to say here.
If there are none then I am done,
I wish you luck on the examination.
And so my friends, I bid you all goodbye,
I hope you liked this course as much as I.
Goodbye, goodbye,
Goodbye to one and all I say goodbye.
Just one more thing -- and do not laugh,
I hope you'll take the second half:
Physics, Physics,
Physics 11b.
First student:
For there's no reason I should stay here,
For I've said all I have to say here.
If there are none then I am done,
I wish you luck on the examination.
And so my friends, I bid you all goodbye,
I hope you liked this course as much as I.
Goodbye, goodbye,
Goodbye to one and all I say goodbye.
Just one more thing -- and do not laugh,
I hope you'll take the second half:
Physics, Physics,
Physics 11b.
Now then, are there any questions,
Any problems, any questions?
If there are none, then I am done,
And I can bid you all good day.
For there's no reason I should stay here,

Ha, he asks if there are any questions.
Holy smoke have I got questions!
I've got a ton, and every one,
Would take him half a day to do.
But I don't really want to stay here
Since he's said all he has to say here
But it's agreed that I shall need
Much more than luck on the examination.
And so I think I'll let him say goodbye
I guess that he is as relieved as I
Goodbye, goodbye,
Thank God the course is over now, goodbye
One thing he said that makes me laugh
He hopes I'll take the second half
Ha ha, ha ha, ha ha,
Don't make me laugh.
Ha, he asks if there are any questions

(Missing segment from recording)

Now then, are there any questions,
Any problems, any questions?
If there are none, then I am done,
And I can bid you all good day.
For there's no reason I should stay here,
Since I've said all I have to say here.
If there are none then I am done,
I wish you luck on the examination.

And so my friends, I bid you all goodbye,
.

I hope you liked this course as much as I.
.

Goodbye, goodbye,
.

Goodbye to one and all I say goodbye.
.

Just one more thing -- and do not laugh,
.
.

I hope you'll take the second half:
.
.

Physics, Physics,
.
.

Physics 11b.
.
.

Now then, are there any questions,
.
.

Any problems, any questions?
.
.

If there are none, then I am done,
.
.

And I can bid you all good day.

.
.
.
Second student:
Ha, he asks if there are any questions.
Holy smoke have I got questions!
I've got a ton, and every one,
Would take him half a day to do.

(Third student): Ha, he asks if there are any questions.
But I don't really want to stay here


Holy smoke have I got questions!

Since he's said all he has to say here

I've got a ton, and every one,

But it's agreed that I shall need

Would take him half a day to do

Much more than luck on the examination.

First student: Ha, he asks if there are any questions.
But I don't really want to stay here
And so I think I'll let him say goodbye

Holy smoke have I got questions!
Since he's said all he has to say here
I guess that he is as relieved as I

I've got a ton, and every one,
But it's agreed that I shall need
Goodbye, goodbye,

Would take him half a day to do
Much more than luck on the examination.
Thank God the course is over now, goodbye

But I don't really want to stay here
And so I think I'll let him say goodbye
One thing he said that makes me laugh

Since he's said all he has to say here

I guess that he is as relieved as I

He hopes I'll take the second half

But it's agreed that I shall need
Goodbye, goodbye,
Ha ha, ha ha, ha ha, don't make me laugh.

Much more than luck on the examination.

Thank God the course is over now, goodbye

Ha, he asks if there are any questions.

And so I think I'll let him say goodbye
One thing he said that makes me laugh

Holy smoke have I got questions!

I guess that he is as relieved as I
He hopes I'll take the second half
I've got a ton, and every one,

Goodbye, goodbye,
Ha ha, ha ha, ha ha, don't make me laugh.
Would take him half a day to do

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